I’m gazing at my last-longer arms, tryna reach somethin’ invisible into both sides of sky. It has been more than a half-century, million nights and days, but I’m still here, at exactly the same place where I was ‘placed’ at 1951. Hahaha… Ridiculous! It seems like only few months ago when I was like those fences of wood. One meter in high. I can still remember how Paz, Mr. Rubin’s dog, who lived two blocks after that T-junction, urinated me without his guilty face. Makin’ my young leaves tasted those bad-smelled liquid of waste, which surprisingly grew me up more than any chemical one did. Did Paz suffer metabolism problem? Right now, I don’t even know where he and his master is, as the time running incredibly fast.
So did Mr. Hernandez, who always watered me at five in the evening, almost each day, to help me from getting dehydration on that horrible summer time. The one who won’t be forgotten. Though there were so many plants whom he could choose, but, he chose me! And here is the place where I was planted by his charm hands. With those kids of him behind, looked at me. On this Saint Angel Park. He was a special person for me. Tough we had to be separated forever, and he had to lie under the cemetery’s ground, somewhere out there. I’ve sailed on a long lifetime of two human generations. Now, I’ve found a new soul mate of mine. Jessica’s her name. She’s no the another girl but Mr. Hernandez’s daughter. He had taught a lot of good things to her. Especially, how to love me as her father did.
With her success as a writer, she has been able to enjoy the rest of her life, on her 40’s, at the moment. She still live on that 2-floor house, where all the memories of this family are kept inside. Sometimes, she walked to me, lied before my ‘knees’ of wood. My trunk. As what you are doing right now, friend. With her book full of sloppy notes which I can’t read. Hmm… Whutta peaceful moment. I could see her smile when she got such inspirations, while I was covering her from the heat of sunshine. She loves me too, friend. Intentionally, she spreads little manure on soil around me, tough I had been able to survive by myself. I don’t really need it. But, if only I could say a few words, I’ll say thanks.
Our first introduction wasn’t good enough for me to remember. Lil’ Jesse who saw me at her second sight, came with four or five friends of hers. Then, they picked a lot of my leaves away, which were weird and beautifully colored enough for them. Just for their school assignment! I was so young, so I shouted as loud as I can do, but they didn’t understand. Of course! It frightened me so much, because my life depended on those thin leaves. I breathes from them, transforming sunshine into energy. But I have a different condition right now. Although many kids want to pick a hundred or more of my leaves, I’ll welcome them wth smile.
I’ve grown so big and strong that I could survive on autumn and summer, with only leaves which can be counted by the fingers of one man’s hand! That was hard to lose the sunshine, but when spring came, I felt like reborn. This always be the months full of joy. Every day, a lot of people came to this park to make a little picnic beneath my umbrella of leaves, and other trees. I did feel any loneliness no longer. Kids played ‘hide and seek’ on their holidays. Some of them hid on my trunk. Heavy boys of seven and five. Meanwhile, other boys ran over the ball, kicked and rushed, on this withering grass.
I’ve great memory, friend. Although that creature named ‘man’ doesn’t know it. Though we all –the plant-kind- also don’t understand, even remember how and in what way we were born. The earliest moment of my life I can remember is the time when I was in a black polybag, covered with soil, with other plants around me. I couldn’t count the number of them. But, there were so many creatures same with me, plant, but in different specimen. Finally, we were taken here, and many people separated us with a gap far enough.
“Isn’t it right, palm?”
I ask to my closest friend. He’s doesn’t answer me. Perhaps, he didn’t hear me. Or, he has slept. I can’t differentiate whether he’s asleep or awake. He only give me a low voice like grumbling, as a sign. But, I can understand what he means to talk to me. Cause we have long and interesting talks each day, since we had the same height. He has grown marvelously up to three times of mine. But, I’m stronger and bigger. He’s my only old friend, who still survive, while the other had been cut off for road construction, as what that selfish Governor ordered, or died because of oldness and illness. Man is a complicated creature. They could be kind or evil at the same time. What a sadness to remember.
This palm, with more than ten other palm trees, dominate this park’s view. Perhaps, it can be, because this is LA, where we are. This is California. Hollywood’s here, world! I don’t know why that kind of plant can be symbolic for this state on west coast. There’s a moment I can’t forget about this dearest friend. One day, many years ago. Yes, exactly at the time when that leader of this nation was shot on a moving car. Amazingly turned excitement into scream of hysteria and tears on the crowd. He tragically died before more than a thousand eyes watched television.
That was a peaceful afternoon, far away from the chaos on DC. Many kids played with happiness here. I guessed, they were students from an elementary school. These kids ran in different places, directions, and activities of what they wanted. While some teachers watched behind. The other tried to prepare the lunch for them. I saw three girls played under the palm. Suddenly, a coconut which had been ripe, fell upon a girl who wore a glasses. Upon her shoulder, really hard. Horrible. Fortunately, not upon her head. Palm didn’t know about it. Cuz he also didn’t mean to do that. So, when his coconut had been ripe, it will fell by itself. Being blown by the air, or being gnawed by rats, palm can only do nothing.
So, the girl fell down, with her face kissing grass. But, she was still awake. Her crying exploded, calling out the tachers, while her hand couldn’t move anymore. What a pity. Then, some men took her somewhere. I could see something different on her hinge’s form. It must be very hurtful. Palm were silent when he knew it. He started regretting. Sometimes, I tried to calm him down.
“It’s not your fault, Palm… Just relax…”
But, it’s funny to see him being so worried, for the first time. For few nights, I heard him grumbled.
“I’m guilty, I’m guilty!!!!” although softly.
I always think bout a question. Do we –our kind, plant- have a will to live in this rude world? No! we just walk on this life. We only have wishes and hopes. So, who does have the biggest will? I believe God has… Because I also believe that God is the only One that responsible ‘bout this life… and all His creatures. I’m prying for Him, right now. Although I don’t even know what kind of Thing He is, or what He’s like… But, this is why I was created. To praise Him. It’s all that I know.
Palm ever imagined about Jamaica, the nation whom he calls ‘Paradise’. Where his kind came from, and be proud as a national symbol. Even for their music, reggae. At east, he can be proud of this identity. And… how about me? Who am I? what kind of plant, what is my name? I often be called as ‘Leavy’. Like when those kids called their friends: ‘Let’s take a shelter under that ‘leavy’ tree!’ or ‘Let’s play under that ‘leavy’ tree!’.
Is that my real name? ‘Leavy’?
Because other people looked like intellectuals ever came, and said the word ‘oak’ while an old man was pointing his finger to me. Fortunately, I don’t have fruits as palm has.
One day, I thought so hard. How that men, such as Mr. Hernandez, Jesse, and Mr. Rubin been born? Did they appear or fall from the sky? I didn’t think so. Often, I saw lil’ man. He’s so weak, and he can’t speak but only cry in many times. But, are they the littlest phase of that sweaty creature’s history? I do only know, that slow but sure, they will grow, smarter, becoming a rebel or follower; making history or being a loser. Then their story ends tragically under the tombstone. Do they ought to e remembered? Do I? Even, sometimes, they didn’t care about us. But, is there a phase before that beginning one? I ever been so curious, because in only few months, Jesse changed to be very fat. Especially her stomach. I could see her sitting on the terrace from here. Then there were a noise and anxiety which are gone so quick. Jesse and her husband (I dunno his name) went somewhere. Suddenly, anything turned into laugh and happiness with a grumble of little man which cannot be understood. And it happened too, three or our years later.
Where did they come from? If I know it. Even, I was so confused to know the reason why Jesse became very slim as she was before. If my kind could understand it. But it’s impossible. How could it be? We’re jut the object, and they’re the subject. They are more powerful. But, sometimes, with the help of nature and God’s will, we can beat them back.
Oh… look at her, friend… Look how beautiful little Linda is. With her brown wavy hair, and a green bandana, she reminds me of her mother, when she was a kid. And that boy is behind her. A handsome boy named Mark who hands a plastic ball so clean. I guess, it is the new one. They are moving closer while talking happily. Is a family so happy as they are? I want to feel it. No… I’ve felt it, though it’s only one-way relationship, but it’s valuable. I call them family, my family. Yes, they are. A family whose the lifetime I still want to watch on. If I can survive for a longer time. I’ve been so weak, friend. Worms, and rats gnaw me harder and deeper. I believe that ‘time of end’ will come on me. And I’ll be somewhere beautiful. I dunno when it’s.
The sky’s darker. Orange shine has disappeared. Birds are singing and make a line on long cables. The family had just walked in front of me, and went inside the house. For many times, I hate to be in this way. So lonely, and left. Night will come, friend. Do you still want to lie upon my chest? I’ve told a lot to you, but you don’t really care. Do you understand what I talked about? Wake up… Go back to your master. Of course, you miss that biscuits, milk, and bones that you buried in the yard, don’t you?
Okay, if you hear me… I just wanna say… Good night!
Translated from ‘Musim Berganti di St. Angel’
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