Personal Writing of a Losing Son

I think this is the right moment to reminisce the moments I had with my mom. This morning I been to her grave wif my living life MacGyver, having a look at the tombstone. It surely gave me some chill I couldn’t explain. It’s been years since the last time I saw her. She gave an empty look, tough I believed there were so many things she wanted to say.

Look at me now. I am simply a losing son. Who is in a sudden lost of you. Though I been used to face this kind of condition, no doubt it still gives me such a feeling that suffers so much here inside. There have been so many lines of lyrics where I included you, there were so many pictures I draw bout you. At all, it couldn’t replace the past existence of you.

I remember when you used to take me to the playground, kindergarten, or a small clinic where you had something to do inside. You told me to stay calm since I was not in such a comfortable place. Well, this kind of kiddy naughty I was so familiar with. I remember when you called a food seller who usually came across our house there in Jalan Pramuka. I really loved the way that old woman sold her things. She brought a container made from stainless steel or what, I dunno. She made it into levels. The top one was for the donuts, the second was for the bakpao, and the bottom one was for the cakes. Mama loved these cakes, since she was so skillful in making ones.

This has been 2012. Almost three years since she passed out. Ten years of struggle in getting this facking illness out of her. It taught me so much about life, and regret, and love.

*written two days earlier.